Sod Haadam Changed Everything for Me
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I’ve been in the world of therapy and personal growth for years, both as a professional and as a person constantly working on myself. But if there’s one thing that’s been transformative beyond anything else, it’s Sod Haadam.
Sod Haadam isn’t just a course; it’s a journey that’s given me the courage and the tools to be who I truly am and to help others do the same.
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What makes Sod Haadam different? It’s not about therapy jargon and methods. Instead, it builds an understanding from Torah perspectives that are hashkafically sound. Rebbetzin Tukachinsky guides you on how to create a secure attachment to yourself. And when I say “secure attachment,” I mean the real kind—one that’s unshakable. I learned to build my “core self” on a foundation that can’t be easily uprooted, no matter what life throws my way.
Then there’s the concept of Targil Emun, an exercise that teaches building a foundation of belief in yourself. It breaks it down into a four-step process. When I think about how shaky my foundation was at the beginning compared to where I am now, the difference is astonishing. It’s about creating an internal landscape of acceptance and understanding for who I am, rather than always feeling like I need to change or “fix” myself to be good enough. It teaches us to sit in our Nakudas HaEmes—our point of truth—as we are right now, instead of thinking, “When I reach this goal or become this ideal, then I’ll have value.”
I’ve completed every course offered, and each year felt like peeling back a new layer. Each piece was a mirror that showed me where I was holding onto dependencies I hadn’t realized, whether that was in my role as a mother, wife, or even professionally, dependencies most of us have on external achievements or approval to feel valuable. Through Sod Haadam, I began to untangle my sense of self-worth from my achievements.
One of the biggest things I took away is the insight into looking past the negativity we see in people’s behaviors and understanding the pain behind it. This changed my relationship with my children. Instead of reacting to negative behaviors, I learned to see them as a signal of underlying pain. It’s not easy to do, but the results are incredible; it’s almost as if my children feel truly seen and understood for the first time, and their behavior shifts in response.
This approach applies to any relationship. The tools taught in Sod Haadam provide a method to focus on the strengths of those we love, to trust in their core goodness even when their actions may seem to contradict it.
Another concept that shifted the way I understand myself was realizing how we can let our own needs and wants guide us without fear. If we hold strong to our needs without doubting them, the other person feels that and wants to meet us there. It’s important to stand strong in what you want without backing down at every sign of resistance. This has given me a voice in my relationships that I didn’t realize I’d been suppressing.
Finally, what I can’t overlook is the permission to be who I am. We often feel we need to prove our worth through what we do, but this has been revolutionary for me in explaining, “You have inherent value, and it’s okay to simply be who you are.” That permission to “just be” is something rare in our world. It’s a message that resonates with me, and it’s made me a better parent, spouse, and person.
